Free Christmas Crafts
Free Christmas Crafts questions and answers
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Q: Electical Engineering Jokes?
My dad works for telus and I need humourous jokes, quotes and pictures that he may find amusing for a craft I'm doing for him for Christmas. He works with something to do with toll free calling. Please nothing dirty!! Thank you so much. Geeks rule the world!!!
A: Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions
(What they say - what they mean)
1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)
2. Close project coordination.
(We sat down and had coffee together.)
3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
(We just hired three punk kids out of school.)
4. Major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)
5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
(We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
7. Test results were extremely gratifying!
(Unbelievable, it actually worked!)
8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only guy who understood the thing quit.)
9. It is in process.
(It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)
10. We will look into it.
(Forget it! We have enough problems already.)
11. Please note and initial.
(Let's spread the responsibility for this.)
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking.
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)
13. Give us your interpretation.
(We can't wait to hear your bull.)
14. See me or let's discuss.
(Come to my office, I've screwed up again.)
15. All new.
(Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
16. Rugged.
(Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)
17. Robust!
(Rugged, but more so)
18. Light weight.
(Slightly lighter than rugged)
19. Years of development.
(One finally worked)
20. Energy saving.
(Achieved when the power switch is off.)
21. No maintenance.
(Impossible to fix)
22. Low maintenance.
(Nearly impossible to fix)
23. Fax me the data.
(I'm too lazy to write it down.)
24. We are following the standard!
(That's the way we have always done it!)
25. I didn't get your e-mail.
(I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)
PS. This is really nice thing you're doing for your Dad. Way to go. :)
Q: Electrical Engineer Jokes!!?
My dad works for telus and I need humourous jokes, quotes and pictures that he may find amusing for a craft I'm doing for him for Christmas. He works with something to do with toll free calling. Please nothing dirty!! Thank you so much. Geeks rule the world!!!
A: Engineers aren't boring people, we just get excited over boring things.
Q: Serious Crafters--fake snow?
I create my own hand painted and wood burned Christmas ornaments. I am tired of paying the high cost of fake snow that you scoop onto a craft stick to apply. I love the product--not the cost. I have tried looking for recipes and the two most common are glue with shaving cream (does not harden, which I need), and glue with white paint and light colored sand (does not give me the effect I need). I am looking for a recipe not for preschoolers or first-time crafters. I need something that is smooth in appearance, but firm and cannot be smashed. Does anyone have any idea's, links, or recipes to share with me? If you need to see the type of ornaments that I create, feel free to view my website at www.9stines.com/Wanda
Thanks!
Thanks Dee....I'm thinking this won't give me the "Shaving cream look" that I'm going for, however. I am hoping to create a whipped look that is hard. Does this make sense?
A: Try bakers coconut! I made grass for a house cake years ago and colored the coconut with green food coloring. You might want to get the finer grade or chop the regular to smaller size to better simulate snow texture. Just a thought!
Q: Family Fun Magazine, does anyone read this?? Please Help!!?
About a month ago, I read an article in Family Fun Magazine in the Dr's office about a family craft project making a cookbook. This magazine gave a free website with the templates for making the cookbook, as it is done in a binder size. Has anyone else seen this craft project and do you know the website for it?? I've been all over the Family Fun Magazine site, and cannot find it, Please Help, want to do this for Christmas Gifts for older kids. Thanks.
A: I use Smilebox, it does recipe books, scrapbooks, cards all kinds of things. Everything is pre-printed with templates (you can change them). All you do is upload pics or word docs and put it together and print. Great Site but you have to download it and save to desktop.
http://www.smilebox.com/
Happy Cooking
Q: You know You're in College When???
Another long one guys but hey its all for the good! Enjoy!!!
You Know You're in College When...
Type: Just for Fun - Inside Jokes
Description: You know you're in college when...
1. High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early."
2. You have more beer than food in your fridge.
3. Weekends start on Thursday.
4. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
5. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.
6. The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case.
7. Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed.
8. You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open.
9. You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is.
10. You can't remember the last time you washed your car.
11. Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.
12. You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day.
13. You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.
14. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
15. You’ve fallen off a loft bed.
16. You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport.
17. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them... sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.
18. Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
19. You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more.
20. The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.
21. Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t.
22. You go to Target or WalMart more than 3 times a week.
23. You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them.
24. Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class... anything with caffeine will do.
25. Quarters are like gold.
26. Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles.
27. You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
28. You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc...
29. You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home.
30. You ask people what YOU did last night.
31. Certain things are now deemed "facebook worthy." When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them.
32. You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian.
33. You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
34. You sleep more in class than in your room
35. Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts.
36. You've traveled with bags of dirty clothes.
37. You go home to do your laundry because you're too poor to pay the $2... or too lazy to go to a change machine.
38. You pay $100 for a book you don't read once, return it four months later, and get $7.
39. More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates.
40. You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday's meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal - a safe bet for any meal.
41. You use words like "thus" (see #40).
42. You throw out bowls and plates because you don't feel like washing them.
43. Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables.
44. It takes preparation... and 3 people... to take out your garbage.
45. Going to the library is a social event.
46. You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year... you know why.
47. You start joining clubs because of the free food.
48. Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas.
49. You skip one class to write a paper for another.
50. You have no idea where your tuition money is going... technology fees? I think not.
51. Bicycles don't seem as lame as they did in high school.
52. You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due.
53. Girls: You've balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave.
54. Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.
55. You've written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas.
56. Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition.
57. Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker.
58. Most of your T.A.s are foreign...what's the deal?
59. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
60. You never realized so many people are more dumb (aka "dumber") than you.
61. Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim.
62. Care packages rank right up there with birthdays.
63. You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game.
64. You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies.
65. Printers break down only when you desperately need them.
66. Anything can be cooked in a microwave.
67. Two words: bike cops.
68. You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone.
69. Old school Nintendo... and guitar hero... are pretty much the best things ever.
70. Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal.
71. You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family.
72. You've paid bills over $5... in coins.
73. You can't imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ ipod.
74. Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm - jeans are considered "dressy" at certain occasions... like school.
75. A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.
76. Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.
77. Your professors speak English... as a second language.
78. Your teachers swear in class and no one cares.
79. Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok.
80. You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants - hey, they're free.
81. Betta fish are like your family.
82. You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.
83. You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing...
84. The elevators take forever but you'll wait 10 minutes just so you don't have to climb stairs.
85. Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they're standing 5 feet away from the door.
86. Showers become more of an issue.
87. You press the automatic door opener instead of simply grabbing the handle when you approach a door.
88. Christmas lights seem to be acceptable all year round.
89. Class size doubles on exam days.
90. You donate plasma even though you know it's pretty sketchy.
91. You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.
92. You've bought Christmas presents from the book store and charged it to your student account so your parents pay for the gifts because you're too broke.
93. You begin to include ketchup on your list of acceptable vegetables.
94. You stay on campus for hours in between classes when it's too cold to walk home.
95. People have to help you kick the vending machine just so you can get your 50 cent bag of chips.
96. There's always a "question kid" in at least one of your classes, and you really wish someone would just tell him/her to shut the hell up.
97. You steal dishes from the cafeteria so you don't have to wash your own.
98. Laundry is an all-day event.
99. You no longer find it uncool to take naps. In fact, you quite enjoy them.
100. It's illegal to drink in the dorms yet they sell an assortment of shot glasses, beer mugs, tankards, etc. in the bookstore.
101. You find your list of acceptable napping places expanding daily to increasingly uncomfortable locations.
102. You fill out credit card applications for the free food.
103. You've eaten cereal out of a cup... with a fork.
104. Dressing up for Halloween becomes cool again.
105. You know at least one person who has dropped his/her cell phone into a toilet.
106. You hang multiple shirts on the same hanger to save space/money.
107. You become increasingly annoyed with the "old" people in class - props to them for going back to college but they generally ask really, really annoying questions.
108. You admire people's alcohol bottle shrines.
109. You set your clock 5-10 minutes ahead so you can potentially make it to class on time.
110. You eventually realize that setting your clock ahead makes no difference to you and you're still late.
111. You check ratemyprofessor.com (or something of the like) before choosing your class schedule.
112. You text faster than you type.
113. You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes.
114. You actually start using coupons, especially those school coupon books.
115. You open canned food and eat it... out of the can.
116. You run out of black ink and, instead of buying a new ink cartridge, decide blue is a nice substitute... adds a little flair.
117. You have numbers in your phone with labels like “Sketchy Steve” and “Alcohol Guy.”
118. The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.
119. The words "google" and "wikipedia" have become verbs. And you use them... quite often.
120. The names Morgan, Jim, Jack, and Jose could aptly describe either who you were with last night or what you had to drink.
121. You fill your empty two-liter bottles with pop from the school cafeteria.
122. You have a drinking buddy who can hold the most intellectual, deep conversations when drunk. Unfortunately, neither he/she nor you can remember most of it later.
123. Your floor has been dirty to the point that you've had to brush your feet off before putting on socks or getting into bed.
124. You're all for the free samples at grocery stores.
125. Energy drinks become your new best friends.
126. You realize that taking summer classes pretty much negates the fun connotation of "summer."
127. You know exactly how much food will fit into a mini-fridge.
128. You realize that said mini-fridge does NOT freeze ice cream.
129. You've made a sandwich on or eaten food off of your $1500 laptop.
130. Your scar stories involve alcohol and/or hearing what happened to you from your more sober friends.
131. You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.
A: Wow, you pretty much covered everything from college. I will add only a few things.
1. When you turned 21 you kicked it in the club or bar everyday for a whole month straight.
2. You would go to the "caf" before class, and end up staying in the caf and ditching your class because you were having so much fun there.
3. 10 people would gather in a dorm room to smoke one joint.
Q: looking for rpg games?
I have played many rpgs. One that i think is good costs too much. WoW has dungeons which i love. I havent done one but it looks cool and i like that style of play. I want to know if there is any good online games like it that are free. Or pay to upgrade. I did pay 5 for runescape 1 time. So 5-10 10 being if its great is what i would pay a month. I would also like crafting and other added stuff. Kinda like minigames off of runescape like pest control but a ton better. If you know any games like these i would be grately appreciate. Especially with christmas comming up i would like to find one soon.
Im looking mostly for dungeons. kinda like the instanced ones in wow
A: Runescape, WoW, Scandia, Last Chaos, Blood Grant, Blood Shower, Blade Trinity 3: Last Hope, Maplestory, World of Zelda
Q: Twilight Birthday/Premiere/sleepover Party ideas, games?
I am having a Twilight Birthday party after the movie at my house. I don't have ANY money to spend so i practically have to do it free. I'm inviting only three friends (Ages 13-14, girls). I want to decorate my house with pink table cloths and things like Bella's birthday. i was also thinking christmas lights outside. Are there any links for scavenger hunt games or any other types of things to do with such few girls? I was thinking maybe a craft? And for goodybags burn songs from the new soundtrack by downloading them from google? Any more cool food and drink ideas or decorations? I want to do something cool with qoutes too.
A: You could make a list of trivia questions about the series and have a trivia game, or have a play re-enacting a chapter of one of the books, you could make posters of quotes to put up as decorations, or have an Edward vs. Jacob debate, or just talk about how hot edward is all night. ;)
Q: Funny Sayings Needed!!!!?
•Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends.
•Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember.
•Dyslexics have more fnu.
•Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit.
•Failure is not an option, it’s a lifestyle.
•Failure is not falling down; it’s not getting up again.
•Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
•I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
•If I look confused it’s because I am thinking.
•Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember any of it.
•Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.
•A day without light is like, um… night.
•When there is no light, it’s dark.
•The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.
•If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
•If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
•My anger management class pisses me off.
•You’re jealous because the voices only talk to me.
•Dreams are like rainbows, only idiots follow them.
•Don’t follow my footsteps, I walk through walls.
•Rehab is for quitters.
•You tried your best and failed miserably, the lesson is, never tried.
•I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
•I’m not who you think I am pretending to be.
•“Somewhere over the rainbow” well, how can there be somewhere over the rainbow when you can’t get to the rainbow?
•Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
•Acupuncture is pointless.
•Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
•I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
•It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
•Constipated people don’t give a crap!
•Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog, Dorothy
•Guns don’t kill people, but they make it pretty easy.
•The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
•You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
•There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can not.
•Cracks in the sidewalk are only reminders that you are never too strong to fall apart.
•Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
•I like work. It fascinates me. I stand and look at it for hours.
•Someday we will look back at all of this and plow into a parked car.
•Accept that some days you are the pigeon and other days you are the statue.
•I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
•Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
•List of things that NEED an answer: Why do physics have to ask for you name.
•Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It is the transition that is troublesome.
•Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.
•If life is a box of chocolates, then death must be a peanut allergy.
•There is always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray to God that it is not a train.
•Who ever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
•My mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and illegal in 37 states.
•You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.
•Depression is merely anger with enthusiasm.
•All stressed out and no one to choke.
•Experience is what you get when what you attended to happen didn’t happen.
•I don’t exaggerate. I just remember big.
•Some days it doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
•Preserve wild life… pickle a squirrel!
•I think, therefore I am overqualified.
•Bombs don’t kill people. Explosions kill people.
•Cheer up. The worst is yet to come.
•If it weren’t for Thomas Edison we would all be watching television in the dark.
•I love deadlines. Especially when they make that whoosh sound as they go by.
•There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved with high explosives.
•Chess is mental torture.
•If you think that you are too small to be affective, then you’ve never been in the dark with a mosquito.
•Chaos, panic, & disorder- my work here is done.
•Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
•I am not tense, just terrible, terrible alert.
•People will believe anything if you whisper.
•I put the “fun” in “dysfunctional”.
•Shut up stupid voices, or I will stab you with a Q-Tip.
•Is there another name for synonym?
•Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
•A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.
•If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will you ever know?
•I’ll kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
•Doesn’t “expect the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
•Christmas – What other time do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
•It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
•My mind not only wanders. Sometimes it leaves completely.
•¾ people are sane. So think of three of your friends. Are they are fine, and then you are not.
•Just when I got used to yesterday, along came another day.
•I had amnesia once…or twice.
•What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
•If #2 pencils is the most popular, then why is it #2?
•Is it my imagination or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
•Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
•I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
•Inside of every old person is a young person wondering what happened?
•Schizophrenia beats being alone.
•All true wisdom is found on t-shirts.
•They told me that I was gullible, and I believed them.
•Never on any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
•There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
•If you are reading in a bathroom is it considered multitasking?
•The easier way always presents itself after the job is done.
•When else failed, it’s good to have a little talent for one’s amusement.
•The speed of time is one second per second.
•If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
•Don’t drink and drive, because you might hit a stop sing and spill your drink.
•Strangers have the best candy.
•Don’t tell me that the sky is the limit where there are footsteps on the moon.
•Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
•If at first you don’t succeed, then failure must be your style.
•Go take a long walk off a short pier.
•You annoy me as much as a wet leaf stuck to my a**.
•Fairy Tales- Horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
•If you are not apart of the solution, be apart of the problem!
•My computer once beat me in chess, but it was no match for me in kick boxing.
•Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.
•Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies.
•Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
•Between two evils, I always pick the one I have never tried before.
•I arrive at school late, but I make up for it by leaving early.
•I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
•I have a body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
•I never loved a person the way I loved myself.
•I am not really a religious person, but if you are up there, SAVE ME SUPERMAN!
•It’s not the people in prison that scare me; it’s the people that are not.
•“We have been spotted and are getting sucked in by her tractor beam.”
•This is like trying to find a fart in a Jacuzzi.
•I reject you reality, and substitute my own.
•Support the fine arts. Shoot a rapper.
•In my opinion, angry people need hugs, or sharp objects.
•People tell me that I don’t listen… or something like that.
•GO LICK A FROZEN POLE!
•If Tylenol, a band-aid, or duct tape can’t fix it, you have a serious problem.
•I am going to take over the world. All I need is sporks, napkins, Styrofoam, and bubble wrap.
•Plagiarism saves time.
•Some call it stalking. I call it love.
•My heart has been removed to make room for the sarcasm.
•Bull**** make the flowers grow, and that’s beautiful.
•Only dead fish go with the flow.
•I meant you no harm. But you were standing where I was shooting.
•Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
•You have to be 100% behind someone in order to stab them in the back.
•If the president does it, it is not illegal.
•Live everyday like it is your last, crawl in a corner and cry.
•She has a lot in common with Hitler, except she has no mustache.
•I have more talent in my tiniest fart than you have in your whole body.
•Be attached in a detached way.
•Who has a tiny brain, big mouth and an opinion that no one cares about? YOU!
•His mind is so open that you can hear the wind whistle through it.
•Some people cause happiness where ever they go, others when ever they go.
•Anything good in life is either illegal, condemned or fattening.
•Ambition is the last refuge from the failure.
•As I said before, I never repeat myself.
•Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
•Constant change is here to stay!
•Don’t take life so seriously, you won’t get out of it alive.
•Everyone hates me because I am paranoid.
•Wheaties and Beer: The Breakfast of Champions.
•He who laughs last didn’t get it. (HOPE!)
•I can resist everything except temptation.
•My day is not complete until I’ve terrified a complete stranger.
•Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, And Avoid Disappointment.
•Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.
•A pat in the back is just inches away from a kick in the butt.
•Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by the publik edukashun sistum.
•Dyslexics of the World....Untie!!!
•Aw fudgen nutter bars.
•He’s all foam, no beer.
•She’s proof that evolution can go in reverse.
•I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.
•We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.
•You’re so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.
•I am right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 12%.
•Remember my face, my might need an alibi later.
•I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that do not work.
•Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
•I fell in love with you the first time I spied on you through your window.
•I was about ready to conquer the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.
•An answer to that nagging question… I LET THE DOGS OUT!
•I’m not smiling at you; I am tying not to laugh.
•For all of you that talk about me, thank you for making me the center of your world.
•I don’t hate you; I just need someone to take my anger out on.
•Reality: An illusion caused from lack of alcohol.
•According to my calculation, Escalator + Slinky=Unlimited Fun!
•Sugar Booger!
•Son of a bean farmer.
•Fhat the Wuck!!!!!
•If I die, I will kill you.
•Forgive your enemies, but do not, I repeat, do not forget their names.
•Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
•If you DO succeed at first, try not to look astonished.
•When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.
•If you don’t like the way I drive, get off of the sidewalk.
•I am not littering, I am donating to the Earth.
•Only in America do we have drive up ATM’s with brail on them.
•Anyone who says, “As easy as stealing candy from a baby”, has never tried it.
•We are the people our parents warned us about.
•If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
•Shooting yourself in the foot is a lot more fun than it sounds.
•Give a man a match and he will be warm for a moment, but set him on fire, he will be warm forever.
•Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you’re a vegetarian.
•The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
•Murderer? Well that is a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a Mortality Technician.
•Microsoft: “You got questions. We got dancing paperclips.”
•When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell him to dribble a football.
•If I had shot you sooner, I will out of jail by now.
•Wrestling is just ballet with violence.
•She is what I call a suicide blond. Dyed by her own hand.
•Gravity always gets me down.
•I like running with scissors, it makes me feel rebellious.
•Death is life’s way of saying you have been fired.
•Do not let the sands of life get in your sandwich.
•To be, or not to be, those are the perimeters.
•Save trees. Eat a beaver.
•I put the “stud” in study.
•Never stand between the dog and the fire hydrant.
•Two wrongs are only the beginning.
•Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
•Okay, so… what is the speed of dark?
•He is a box of Cracker Jacks without a prize.
•This is not a School; this is hell with florescent lighting.
•Some say we will look back at this all and laugh nervously and change the subject.
•Creativity is a drug I cannot live without.
•Glitter never goes away. It is Herpes of craft supplies.
•I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
•I am short and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
•I think we consider too much luck of the early but bird, but not enough on the bad luck of the early worm.
•I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
•Give Pizza Chants.
•Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
•Every time I look at you I have the fierce desire to be lonesome.
•Sometimes you are the windshield and other times you are the bug.
•Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
•Televangelists: Pro Wrestlers of religion.
•Life is not about hiding during the storm, it is about dancing in the rain.
•I wish my mouth had a backspace button.
•Stressed spelt backwards is Desserts. Coincidence, I think not!
•Some people are like Slinkies, good for nothing, but you can not help but watch when it tumbles down the stairs.
•Good friends always bail you out of jail; True friends are always right beside you in the jail cell saying “Dude, that was AWESOME!”
•There go my people. I must find out where they are going so that I can lead them.
•Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery a lot easier to live with.
•The man who smiles when something has gone wrong found someone to blame it on.
•If at first you do not succeed, redefine success.
•No, I do not have a solution, but I deeply admire the problem.
•He is a self made man and worships his own maker.
•If it does not fit force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
•Never fight with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
•You can go anywhere in life if you look serious.
•When you do not know what to do, walk fast and look serious.
•I know you are thinking what I am thinking; you should be ashamed of yourself.
•Don’t piss me off. I am running out of places to hide the bodies.
•People like you are the reason why I need medication.
•Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
•No sense of being pessimistic. It does not work anyway.
•Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
•I do what ever my Rice Krispies tell me to do.
•Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas.
•Today is the last day of part of your life.
A: Well to be perfectly honest, you already got most of the good ones I would have used....priceless.
I might add:
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Who was the first person to look at a cow.......and say, "I think that I will squeeze those dangled things and drink whatever comes out!"..........
Friends don't let friends date ugly guys or drive junker cars.
and last ....but not least...
why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed, if he is going to look "up there" anyway???
You have a wonderful day...and thank you
Q: Where Can I Donate Used Christmas Cards?
Where can I donate used christmas cards fronts? I hate to throw them away. If anybody makes crafts out of them, I can ship them to you free or if you know other people/charities who could use them, let me know.
I also put them in the recycling bin. Just want to know if anyone or charities need them.
A: One year I made little boxes from the cards. You can use them as Christmas ornaments or for small gifts.
You could also recycle the cards by sending them back to the sender next year. Sign and date the card just below theirs. Then see how many of them you get back again the following year.